my History of Feeling

Ian's back.

Sun, 19 May 2013 23:07:00 -0400

Our relationship really isn’t perfect, and we don’t get along nearly close to all of the time, and our differences are so extreme, sometimes, it just seems dumb that we’re together. Like. What are we doing.

But then life wouldn’t be life, and we wouldn’t grow nearly as much, and I wouldn’t have a boyfriend that is also my best friend that I can talk to endlessly for quite a long time, while simultaneously being a complete grump. I wouldn’t have a guy I feel completely comfortable worshipping next to while also dancing dorkily (as he does the same). I wouldn’t have a guy who knows when I’m close to crying or who knows to compliment my toenail polish. I wouldn’t have a guy to dote on and give little surprises to.

And that would be very, very sad. But life doesn’t have to be like that at all.

He’s back. :)

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 23:21:15 -0400

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 23:20:04 -0400

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 22:57:39 -0400

everlytrue: [Carey Mulligan by Tom Allen for UK Harper’s...

Thu, 16 May 2013 22:57:30 -0400

everlytrue:

[Carey Mulligan by Tom Allen for UK Harper’s Bazaar June 2013]

Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke Portrait by Brigitte...

Wed, 15 May 2013 00:46:55 -0400

Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke
Portrait by Brigitte Lacombe

Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight.

Watch the first two before the third comes out.

Then watch the third one.

Yeah, that’s an order.

"My heart was saying, “Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long.” The Lord was..."

Wed, 15 May 2013 00:45:48 -0400

“My heart was saying, “Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long.” The Lord was answering, “I must teach you to long for something better.”

- Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity

Such a hard lesson.

I fall onto this album a lot.

Wed, 15 May 2013 00:34:10 -0400

I fall onto this album a lot.

resolutewoman: — storybook living; Crested Butte, CO. (at...

Wed, 15 May 2013 00:30:51 -0400

resolutewoman:

— storybook living; Crested Butte, CO. (at Crested Butte, CO)

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 00:30:42 -0400

Mami

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:33:00 -0400

Mami is my very best, dearest friend. She is my journal and my rock. She knows when I am slightly off my game; she can tell after two words on the phone whether I’m in a bad mood or not. Her blatant honesty with me makes me grow, and she has sacrificed a lot of her own time into my growing up.

She knows every single thing about me. I literally have no secrets with her, I hold nothing back. She knows more than anyone else, and she still loves me and respects me and thinks I’m worth something. And while I can’t say that she tells me everything too, I know that she shares most of what is in her heart. We understand that it goes nowhere, and we understand the age difference.

She’s the closest tangible example of God’s love that I’ve got. And I need it, because I forget often. Her endless “Bible verse” texts can get annoying, but she knows that I need them. When I’m doubting, she shows me how God is my rock, and when I’m strong, she encourages me to hold onto Him even harder.

She can be crazy and goofy and adorable. But she can also be stern, annoyingly overinvolved, and the typical “be safe!” mom. She still knows when I need space, though. She knows when I am going to do something even if she says not to do it. In fact, there have been several times when she just keeps quiet about what she thinks I should do, because she knows if she says anything, I’ll do the opposite. (I hate orders. But if she truly orders me, I’ll always be obedient.)

She is the only person I can cry freely around. I cry around her all the time, actually… When I say that I rarely cry, I just don’t count my time with her. And I guess that’s the truth about a lot of things. I don’t count her as another person, because she’s just a part of me. And that’s that.

I have grown a lot in the past year. I used to think she was perfect. Since breaching “young adulthood,” I’ve learned that she actually has a mean streak, she’s a little too Type A for her own good, and she repeats herself a lot when she’s telling certain stories. She resorts to “doctor talk” sometimes, when I just want her to on the “friend talk” page. Her anxiety gets the best of her at times, and her codependence sometimes doesn’t allow her to be at the health level she deserves.

But knowing her flaws as well as her strengths makes my faith in my own potential grow even more. I believe in her with all of my heart, because she has still a ridiculous amount of grace and love in her heart while being a flawed woman. She allows herself to be a humble servant before God, while being the least judgmental person I have ever met (which is saying something, because I know her the best).

If she can do all of that, so can I.

I could never wear dresses like that, so I just blog about them....

Fri, 10 May 2013 00:12:20 -0400

I could never wear dresses like that, so I just blog about them. My life.

vacants: biscottea (by stephsus)

Thu, 09 May 2013 18:27:42 -0400

vacants:

biscottea (by stephsus)

Photo

Tue, 07 May 2013 19:17:01 -0400

Let’s be honest, I would never wear these, but...

Tue, 07 May 2013 19:15:45 -0400

Let’s be honest, I would never wear these, but they’re cooool.

gobeur: dunder mifflies

Tue, 07 May 2013 19:15:09 -0400

gobeur:

dunder mifflies

Photo

Tue, 07 May 2013 19:14:35 -0400

S. O. H.

Tue, 07 May 2013 00:15:51 -0400

Summer. Of. Health.

I say this phrase in my head at least once a day, usually more, so I figured I should mention it in my blog.

This summer, I’m focusing on a lot of things. It’s my first summer with set goals for growth. Last summer was an incredible stepping stone for me in developing my skills and learning true responsibility, but it just kind of happened. This summer, I’m carefully planning how I want to grow and what I want to learn.

I want to be the healthiest version of myself I can be.
That means health of all types, including

physical
mental
spiritual
creative

My goals:

working out way more than I did during the school year (at least 3x a week).
assistant managing and having to inspire others.
reading my Bible and doing regular quiet times.
getting involved with a church family for the first time since basically last summer.
developing real relationships.
reading for fun.
writing a little bit every day, regardless of whether or not I have anything to say.
cooking one healthy meal a week.

I don’t know if all of that is actually going to happen, but if I can get any closer to fulfilling these goals and staying there, that would be success. I just want to be stable and secure in my health instead of riding a roller coaster of stress that leaves me restless.

I love how coffee looks and smells, even if I’m not the...

Mon, 06 May 2013 21:56:00 -0400

I love how coffee looks and smells, even if I’m not the biggest fan of the taste just yet.

lottereinigerforever: Bonnie and Clyde Warren. <3

Mon, 06 May 2013 21:54:05 -0400

lottereinigerforever:

Bonnie and Clyde

Warren. <3